She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My penis needs a shock collar
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
