Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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