dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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