I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
