My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
