i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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