i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
