he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
