I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
