Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
