i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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