Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
