Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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