nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
