Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
