I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
