I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
