I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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