so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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