I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
