i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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