I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
