Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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