we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
