I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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