As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
