I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
