I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
