god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
