If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
