break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
