The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
