I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
