The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
