i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
