I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
