Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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