Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
