Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
