Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
