How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
