Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
