it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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