Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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