Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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