I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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