she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
