I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
