HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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