yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
