420 ftw
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's blow job season.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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